I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
