she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
