Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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