Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i was born a porn star she said
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
