A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
