I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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