Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
