I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
