She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
