my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can you bring me the toilet please
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
