the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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