i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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