You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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