I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
