her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
