3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Randomize
