Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
