he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
