its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
