Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
