Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
