I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Fuck appropriateness.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize