I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
