Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
