in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
