I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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