does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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