Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
