I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize