Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
