Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
