so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
