Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
