Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
