I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
