if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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