Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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