We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
