whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we made out on top of his cat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
