guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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