i think my tv is drunk
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
