sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
