Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
