but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
