Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Randomize
