Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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