the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
