just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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