the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
