he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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