We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
