I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Randomize
