he shaved USA in his pubs
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
