I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
high people should be assigned attendants
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's no shave November. This is our time.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
