my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize