The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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