Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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