just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
