I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
