She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize