I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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