His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
