I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
