Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
