the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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