I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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