We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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