Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
