Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Four minutes until I can fart!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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