This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize