i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
